Strategies to regulate your nervous system and expand your window of tolerance

Building awareness

Awareness is the first step. When we can get curious and notice what the stressor is and our reaction to it; naming the sensations in our body and linking them to a nervous system state, this helps us to broaden our window of tolerance.

Replacing judgement with curiosity and self-compassion

We often blame ourselves for our responses; judging our stress responses as signs of weakness and that we need to exercise mind over matter and 'get over it.'

However, the way we react to situations in our daily lives is not only about the current stressors but also due to how we learnt to respond to stressful situations growing up. Adverse events in early childhood, including too much emotional distance,  and throughout our lives shape our brains and nervous system responses, which in turn affect the size of our window of tolerance.

If we can get interested in our responses (without judging them as good or bad), we will discover that they are automatic, self-protective, and laid down since we were young. This is the start of developing compassion for ourselves rather than blame, shame, and self-criticism.

Threat Responses

threat responses

Some of the most common ways that we can experience dysregulation are through the threat responses in the diagram above.

By noticing more often what causes your body to have these responses, it is then possible to start to make sense of whether these responses relate to the way your emotions were responded to in your family as a child. This, in turn, makes it possible to change these patterns in the present.

See below for ways to start to build your own toolkit to become more aware of what is happening to you in the moment.

If you struggle to notice what is happening in your body, then these approaches may not work as well for you. Don't worry if this is the case. In this case, you may benefit from some support with the process from a therapist.

If you have a partner, family member, or close friend who brings your attention to how you seem dysregulated, then it can help to agree that it's OK for them to bring this to your attention in a compassionate and non-critical way.

Creating strategies

When stressors pile up one after another, or we experience a major life challenge, our window might close. Our ability to cope shrinks and seemingly minor events can prompt a reaction that appears disproportionate to the situation. It is then helpful to have some strategies to support us. There is no magic formula; it requires a degree of experimentation and practice to find the strategies that work specifically for you.

Attending to your breathing is the most helpful place to start to ground yourself

Slow down and deepen your breath – take a longer exhale.

It brings more oxygen in and reduces cortisol production. Especially helpful for panic attacks.

This process will enable you to move back into being in the here and now with what is happening for you and with others, even if just now you aren't always sure of what has caused the dysregulated response.

Bringing the activation down

When your sympathetic state is activated, you might notice you are holding your breath, feeling tension in your muscles, and having feelings of anxiety and fear. These are signs to reduce the activation in your body. For example:

• Pause and take a moment out – orient to your surroundings, engage each of your senses, notice your posture and feel your feet on the ground.

• Move your body – any kind of activity that gets you out of your head and into your body – that could be pacing, vigorous exercise or yoga.

• Write it down – this can help you externalise thoughts and feelings and gain perspective on what you're experiencing.

Raising your energy

If you notice that your energy has dropped, you might feel lethargic, disconnected, down, depressed, foggy-brained, or numb. These are signs to activate the energy in your body. For example:

• Engage your senses – cooking, eating crunchy foods, enlivening music, go outside, hold an ice cube in your hand.

• Move your body – any physical activity that increases your heart rate and gets your body moving; something challenging like balancing will also bring you into the present moment because it requires your attention.

• Change your posture – you might be slumping over your desk; instead, lengthen your spine