Mind-body resources and finding your inner nurturer
- Aug 7
- 3 min read
Unresolved distress and complex trauma disrupt the ability to adequately regulate inner and outer stressors.
This is because the best inner resource we need in life is a secure core sense of self that enables us to self-regulate in most situations. When there is unresolved distress, those inner resources aren't as strong to help you cope with all the stressors of life.
Therapy can be a very helpful way to support you in developing your inner resources and your ability to regulate stressors. This takes time, and one of the challenges in this healing process is when outer stressors increase, or outer resources decrease too
much.
This throws the mind-body capacity to regulate out of balance and leaves you flooded with emotions and feeling overwhelmed. This takes you out of the window of tolerance, leading to either hyperarousal or hypoarousal.
Mapping your mind-body resources
It can be helpful to take a few minutes to map your stressors and resources using a simple grid.
Take some time to find a calm space, take a few deep breaths and map what is happening for you just now. You may then notice where you can make some adjustments to bring things into greater balance.
Are there any social plans you can change?
Is there a safe and trusted person you can share something with about what is
happening?
Are there any work tasks or deadlines you can modify?
Is it something your team-mates or manager can help you with?
Is there anything else you can say no to or postpone?
Try adding an extra walk, a swim or time in the garden
Spend some time relaxing with a hobby or doing something creative like sewing,
knitting, drawing or painting
Protect your sleep and time to rest
Sometimes there is not much we can do to change the balance, as life can be very overwhelming. If you are grieving, are ill or dealing with a crisis, then perhaps all you can do is your very best to get through each day and seek support where possible.
Above all, being compassionate with yourself is important. Try not to be shaming, blaming and critical of yourself, as this adds to the stress or distress you are experiencing.
Finding Your Inner Nurturer
Even when we are alone, without others to comfort us, it might be possible to connect with a part of ourselves that can comfort and nurture us, rather than go into self-blame or shame.
Sit quietly for a few minutes. Close your eyes and focus on your natural breath- if this feels ok.
Imagine that there is a part of you who is your inner nurturer. This part may come to you in many different forms- a loving parent or grandparent, a wise guide, a kind person or friend, or a spiritual figure.
Picture this inner nurturer in detail and feel their love and compassion. In your body and heart, receive the warmth and tender care being given to you. When you are ready, slowly open your eyes. With your non-dominant hand, draw a picture of this inner nurturer using whatever colours and shapes come to mind.
Using both hands and two different coloured pens, write out a conversation in which you ask for understanding and care. Allow this inner nurturer to speak to you through your non-dominant hand.
If this doesn't connect for you straight away, be kind and patient with yourself and try at another time.
